An equally appropriate title for this blog would be “Ass over Teakettle,” but for SEO purposes and to maintain guilty pleasure reading at work for all three of my fans (shout out to Natalie, Tami and Daniel!!), I kept the profane out of the top. Let’s just say that if you AND your surfing teacher are screaming like girls, you know it is big out there.
This photo describes conditions more accurately than five hundred words of my own could. This is one of the daily photos posted on WB Live Surf, taken right around the time I was out today. The website is one of the places I check conditions before lugging all of my stuff to the beach.
- Photo of the day from WB Live Surf
Notice how the wave behind the surfer standing up is roughly as high as his head. That’s what we mean by “head high.” Or, if you are a beginner, “Really effing big.”
Wherein We Test the Strength of my Surfing Sunglasses
Monday afternoon, I went out by myself (there were other people out and on the beach, but I wasn’t with “friends”) and the outside break was big enough that I gave up after one wave and stayed on the whitewater inside. On Monday, the waves were probably two feet shorter than today. I was also wearing my new shorty wetsuit, or “spring suit,” for the first time. That’s a wetsuit with short pants and short sleeves. It kept me nice and toasty.
The other instructive part of the photo above is the surfer on the board, to the right of the surfer riding the wave. Now, imagine you are at the bottom of that wave, instead of the middle. What does that wave look like? Yes, it looks like A WALL OF WATER. That you have to GET THROUGH. On a LONGBOARD. Upon which you CANNOT DUCK DIVE, so you have to go over the waves, turtle roll, or something. In a wetsuit. With a nine foot surfboard. That has fins. And a mind of its own. And can boomerang on the leash back to knock you unconscious if it wants to. (I’m being a little dramatic, but it was a bit chaotic out there.)
After reading numerous testimonials about the strength and amazing ability of the Silverfish sunglasses to stay on in virtually any surfing conditions, I felt confident that with the wimpy little waves I am generally on, these glasses would be just fine. That meant that today was an EXCELLENT day to see just what these super composite, ultra-mega-mega strong frames would do.
I began my trek out past the big outside break. I paddled. I swam. I floated. I towed my board with my ankle. I towed it by holding on to the leash where it attaches to the board. I paddled some more. I got SMACKED in the face with 6 ft tall waves. I flew off my board BACKWARDS, with it sailing over me, ready to bonk me in the head. The glasses stayed ON.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have Arrived!
Have you ever rented a car from Hertz and made use of their “Neverlost” system? When you get somewhere, the lady in the box says “You have arrived,” with a strangely flat inflection. Like, she’s saying “you’re here, but now you have to deal with whatever crap awaits you wherever “here” is.” That is kind of how I felt when I got past the break. Nancy was yelling “GREAT JOB, KATIE! IT IS REALLY BIG! YOU MADE IT! MOST PEOPLE WOULD HAVE QUIT!” I was watching the waves roll in and crash, not unlike the Niagara River as it hurtles over the Horseshoe Falls. In other words, I had arrived, and, at some point, I was going to have to figure out a way to get back IN. I rested and watched Nancy catch a few.
Optimum Positioning for Eyeglass Testing
We floated a while, feet dangling in the water. Thank goodness it was so big that I did not think AT ALL about my likely shark sighting on Tuesday or the bluefish with teeth swimming, in all likelihood, around us. We determined we were too far out to catch, and paddled in a bit. While we were re-positioning, a huge HUGE wave started to break RIGHT ON TOP OF US.
“aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIKKKKKKKK!!!!!! I GUESS WE’RE GO— rooooaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRRR” <—That was us, as we realized we were going, like it or not. And, then, the sound of the wave breaking, or a freight train running over us.
For three seconds after the wave broke, I thought “I’m ON. I’m GOING! WHEEEEEEE!” Then, as frequently happens when I’m on something this big, the nose of the board tipped down and I was flying through the air, (this is where “ass over teakettle” comes in) and plunging under. Apparently, I had it easy, as Nancy actually hit the bottom of the ocean, at which point she said she thought to herself “Well, if that is the bottom, I guess this way is up.”
My glasses stayed on through all of this. So, I recommend that if you need prescription surfing sunglasses, head DIRECTLY over to Silverfish and get some. They are ENTIRELY worth it. (For reference, I have the s-rat model, black frames, prescription lenses with polarization. And, the express lab.)
Katie’s Biggest Day Yet STARTS NOW
That’s what Nancy said as we got in. I was not having an “official lesson.” We were out surfing as buddies. Thank goodness we were out together. It was way to big for me to try it on the outside on my own. It is nice to have someone to check and see whether you’ve made it back to the surface after a big pounding, and to encourage you to keep going. Days like today, I’m glad I have lots of surfer girlfriends. We don’t make fun of each other if we scream.