Where I rant about male surf writers

I’m going to write a review of a new book I just read.  I liked the book.  My review on Amazon makes it sound like I didn’t like the book, though I made sure to reiterate several times that I did, in fact, like the book.  Some of what I *didn’t* like about the book are “man things,” I think.

This is where I will alienate all four of my man readers.  Sorry guys.  But, really, ask yourself, how often do you actually stop and ask for directions?  Never?  Yeah? Well, that’s why the gals always bring that up as “man behavior.”  Because it is.  Directions? To a new and complicated piece of power equipment?  WHO NEEDS TO READ DIRECTIONS?  NOT ME,  I’LL JUST CUT OFF MY FINGER.

Ok, maybe you’re not that extreme, but I SWEAR TO GOD, I have more than one example of that, in action.  One example involved an 8 month old baby, a day at the beach, and a brand-new tent.  Ahem.

Someone needs to write a Women’s Surf Memoir

Maybe someday, I’ll have time for that and somebody might be interested.  In the last year, since I’ve become fanatically obsessed with surfing  (well, I’ve always kind of been obsessed, but I finally acted on my obsession), I’ve read about 8 surf memoirs: Saltwater Buddah, Surf is Where You Find It, Kook, and so on.  (I forget-I need to start a “surf books shelf” like my “garden books shelf.”)  They were all written by men. And they all re-hash the following old-as-time and annoying-as-crap male tendencies:

• Don’t ask for directions. Don’t try to learn. Just do.  And possibly break your neck while doing this.
• Completely ignore social conventions and then wonder why you almost got socked in the jaw.
• Have a midlife crises.
• Go on a long road trip during said crises.
• Completely ignore everything and everyone around you.
• Talk about the mysticalness of the ocean.
• Claim that anything other than stoicism in the lineup is “kookish” or “wimpy” behavior.
• Repeat, endlessly, that when you can’t stand up, or you fall off your board before getting a good ride, that the time was wasted.
• Comment on hot chicks in bikinis.

How Women Surfers are different than Man Surfers

This is not a scientific research study.  In fact, this list is gleaned from my time in the water over the last year with Nancy and Tracy, and their other students, and their surfing gal-pals.

• Women will hoot and holler for each other when we catch a wave and not feel self-conscious about it.
• Women do not ask each other what size baggies we wear.  Nor do we talk about what size swimsuit we wear. (Thank GOD because I’m still kind of fat.)
• Women are not afraid to scream if we purl, or get chomped on the foot by something, or see a shark.
• Women will keep track of each other in the lineup–in a friendly, making sure we don’t drown way.
• Women will call each other to go out surfing. Plan a time to meet.  Chat, eat breakfast together, and generally be social.
• Women will encourage each other to catch waves, and will work around each other if we both happen to catch the same wave.
• Women do not usually have a reason to punch each other square in the jaw over a wave.

Now, maybe these observations are because I rarely surf in a lineup of 50 surfers.  And, I’ve run into some pretty nice surfer guys in my first year of surfing.  Gents who did not laugh when I fell right off my board trying to sit up on it in the lineup.  Gents who helped me learn how to catch waves.  Mostly, these gents were older than me.  Somewhere between 20-30 years older.  They have had years of experience.  They don’t just abstractly KNOW, but they really UNDERSTAND, that there’s ALWAYS another wave.  Plenty to go around.

So this book I just read, well, the author might have been in his 40′s, but maturity-wise, he was about 25.  More on that later.

I’m grouchy tonight. I know it.  Just, DANG IT: there are some ladies that really know how to shred it, and they’re nice, to boot.  I wish they got more ATTENTION.

Book Review: Surf’s Up-The Girls Guide to Surfing

Between Hurricane surf, rainy weather, mush waves and a funeral, I’ve had some time on my hands to read.  I picked up three surf books, natch.  My favorite, by far, was Surf’s Up:  The Girl’s Guide to Surfing by Louise Southerden.  Every night, for the past three weeks, my husband has found me in bed, nose in the book, memorizing surfing vocabulary.  He just laughs.

You Can’t Learn to Surf from a Book

But, you can learn a lot of things that will help make surfing easier, and make interacting with other surfers easier.  For example, knowing what the words rails, kick out, mushy, goofy, drop in, pop up, etc. not only makes you seem like you know more about what you are doing, it also makes you less likely to incur the wrath of surfers.  (From my LIMITED experience, surfers don’t really have wrath, unless you drop in on them during a really good wave.  Or, at all.)  Note-dropping in essentially means cutting off another surfer who has already started surfing a wave, effectively ending their ride.  Not cool.

While Nancy and Tracy are EXCELLENT teachers, there’s no way they can cover absolutely everything in one hour lessons.  A book acts as reinforcement, and an additional source of knowledge.  My view is that if you are learning to surf, especially if you are a GIRL learning to surf, this book is a must-have.

Chapters

Chapter 1:  Looking Back   (history of surfing)

Chapter 2:  Where to begin

Chapter 3:  What you’ll need (explains gear: boards, leashes, suits, wax, rash guards, etc.)

Chapter 4:  Where to surf  (how to read surf reports, weather, and ocean conditions)

Chapter 5:  On the beach (warming up, attaching leash, stretching)

Chapter 6:  Getting out there (basics of paddling, duck-diving, dealing with waves, rips)

Chapter 7:  How to catch waves (whitewater, how to fall, how to catch)

Chapter 8:  The Rules  (Surfing etiquette)

Chapter 9:  Learning to turn

Chapter 10: The next level  (competitions, surf trips)

Appendix 1:  The surfer girls (bios of real-life surfer girls featured in the book)

Appendix 2:  Surf lingo  (glossary)

Appendix 3:  Useful info  (links, websites, magazines, books, surf shops, etc.)

Why you NEED this book!

• It has a nice glossary.  Maybe I like that because I am a writer.  However, if I’m hanging out with my surfing friends and they say something I don’t know the meaning of, I can go right home and look it up.  It is also good to read the glossary and compare it with what people actually say.  You know how you can start learning about something totally new that has its own language, and you feel kind of weird or silly trying out the new lingo?  I think knowing what the lingo means helps.
• It teaches you how to read surf reports and weather reports.  (It WILL NOT teach you how to tell yourself even when the surf report looks icky to STAY HOME.  And, note to everyone:  sunny does not equal good surf.  Heh heh.  I learned that Tuesday.)
• It has “sound-bites” and testimony from actual new surfers, and actual pro surfers.  They give little tips and tidbits, some of which I’ve already tried.
• It is especially for girls.  This is a benefit and a drawback.  It explains different kinds of swim suits, wet suits, and other gear.  It also gives hints for protecting “girl parts” while paddling for long stretches.  The drawback is that, in my opinion, it mentions “talking to cute surfer guys” too often.  Maybe I feel that way because I’m married, and I am more interested in nice conversation, a helpful attitude and talent than “cuteness” of the guys I’m out in the lineup with.  I kinda feel like the whole point of learning to surf with girls is to leave the boys in the dust (er. . .foam. . . or whatever).  But, that could just be me.
• It goes over all of the basics, so you can come back to it again and again.  I’ve found that some areas make more sense now that I’ve been able to get out and practice.  Sometimes, I’ll experience something in the water, and then I’ll go look it up in the book for more info.

From my VERY short time as part of the surfing community, I’ve learned that there is a good attitude of Aloha that everyone should really project, and not-so-nice attitudes, too.  I’ve learned that there is specific etiquette, and that all surfers, even new ones, should learn that etiquette and go by it.  Surfing is fun, but in a crowded lineup, it can be dangerous if someone acts as if he or she is above the rules.  This book will help all new surfers learn how to fit in and stay safe while surfing.